C. 22 year old female. Lives in Australia. Occupational therapy student at university. Battling borderline personality disorder, an eating disorder and depression and anxiety.
Hisss you know nothin about my life. I’ve actually managed to lose an entire half of an ounce, you wrinkly bully!
fit the criteria for BPD. Diagnosis is annoying because it can be a bit confronting, but also stigma, but you can’t have adequate treatment without a proper diagnosis. I don’t know why I am writing this and feel free to ignore it. I had to find a dr who didn’t just put a label on me, and then say I was too hard to treat and kind of threw me in to the too hard basket. I hope I’m not out of line writing this- I’m curious.
No of course you’re not out of line writing this, and I appreciate you taking the time to do so. I agree that doctors tend to diagnose any young woman who has chronic self harm/suicidality with BPD despite that only being one component of BPD.
Whether it fits for me, well I can see why some of it does. Just depression causing my self harm, thoughts of suicide and issues in life doesn’t quite fit whereas BPD gives a better explanation for my issues. When I compare myself directly to the DSM criteria though I’m not sure, and it doesn’t help that some of the criteria is pretty vague. Criteria that I don’t see in myself are: besides bingeing and purging which is more attributed to my eating disorder, I don’t engage in impulsive behaviour. I do not have frequent displays of anger. I don’t alternate between idealising and devaluing people. I don’t have stress related paranoid ideation or dissociate. Though I fear rejection and abandonment, I don’t make frantic efforts to avoid it.
Besides the criteria, when other people with BPD talk about their feelings and inner experiences I can relate a lot to what they say. Things like wanting to have suicide as an escape, being very sensitive especially to other people, being hurt very easily especially if you think someone might abandon you, wanting to be taken care of, using self harm as a way to cope and communicate your pain and struggle, feeling lost in life, getting attached to anyone who shows you any kindness or care, not really knowing who you are and what you want in life and changing your mind about it etc…those are things that I have that aren’t necessarily in the criteria but are quite common amongst those with BPD.
That was a long post, but in conclusion, I agree with having BPD when I compare my feelings and experiences to those traits that are common amongst people with BPD, but when I assess myself against DSM criteria I’m kinda unsure.
Thank you, it’s good to hear from people who’ve done it and found it beneficial :) x
Thank you xx
Now that I’ve had both my first individual and group DBT session, I’m still rather apprehensive about it all. During individual therapy while D was giving me more information about the DBT program, as much as I didn’t want them to, tears started rolling down my face. D asked me about the tears, and I told her that I was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety about how full on the program seemed, and…
Though relationships are forbidden while inpatient, if there is something between you and him, you can always see how things go when you’re both out of hospital? The only way to find out how he feels is to ask him and let him know how you’re feeling. If he does feel the same way you two can take it from there, if he doesn’t, at least you would have made your feelings known and won’t be left wondering what if? But for now, it’s probably a good idea just to be friends while you’re both in hospital.
What was wrong with me? I had a decent life. I was healthy. I wasn’t starving or maimed by a land mine or orphaned. Yet somehow, it wasn’t enough. I had a hole in me, and everything I took for granted slipped through it like sand.
I felt like I had swallowed yeast, like whatever evil was festering inside me had doubled in size.